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You’ve been with your partner for a long time and constantly think about your future together. You know it’s a big step, but you’ve decided that it’s time to finally pop the question.
But before you look for engagement ring financing to buy the ring you’ve had your eye on, it’s important to discuss some key issues, such as values, communication styles, and marriage role expectations, to ensure you’re aligned with your partner.
This article explores what couples should know about each other before saying “yes” to increase the chances of having a happy and healthy marriage.
Values and Beliefs
Strong relationships are built on shared values and beliefs about the world. That includes things like religious beliefs, moral principles, political views, and personal goals.
Having a successful marriage with differing beliefs is possible, but agreeing on the core ways you see the world often makes things much easier. After all, few couples agree on every last thing. If there are disagreements, understanding and respecting each other’s viewpoints and being able to speak about them openly could help avoid possible problems.
Financial Habits and Goals
Money can be a significant source of tension in marriages, and it’s one of the leading reasons couples get divorced. Setting clear expectations about money management upfront will likely serve you well as you take the next step in your relationship. Discuss key financial topics, like:
- Whether you want to combine finances or keep them separate
- Whether either of you will bring debt into the marriage and how you’ll approach paying it off
- If both partners will work or one will take time to stay home with children
- How much you’re comfortable spending on luxuries like vacations and travel
- If you want to own a home or rent
- If and how much you’ll contribute toward your children’s education
- At what age you want to retire, and how much you’ll set aside now to meet that goal
Discussing these items helps you find areas where you align and where you’ll need to compromise. This doesn’t just help prepare you for better household financial management. It also helps you improve at having difficult conversations that may arise around money in your marriage.
Communication Styles
Communication is key to a successful relationship, married or not. When you and your partner know how each other approaches communications, particularly during conflicts, you can resolve issues more smoothly and avoid resentment. For example, does your partner like to address problems immediately, or do they need time to think and decompress immediately after a disagreement?
Before you propose, consider addressing disagreements and having open, honest talks about them. This could help resolve the issues and strengthen your ability to communicate with your partner.
Marriage Role Expectations
Some couples enjoy traditional gender roles in their marriage, where one partner earns most or all the income while the other keeps up the home and watches over the kids.
Others want a more modern arrangement where both partners earn approximately equal household incomes. Either arrangement may work for your relationship. What matters is that both of you have clear expectations about your financial life together.
Beyond that, you’ll want to set clear expectations for specific issues, like handling the chores or transporting the children to school and extracurricular activities. This may help alleviate tension in your marriage, creating a happier life for your entire household.
Hobbies and Social Activities
Having shared hobbies and interests could make it easier to grow your relationship and do life together. However, it’s healthy for each of you to have individual hobbies and interests that the other doesn’t share and give each other space to pursue them.
For example, both of you may enjoy traveling to similar destinations or trying new bars with friends. On the other hand, you enjoy learning new languages while your partner does not. It’s ok to carve out some time to pursue that hobby alone.
Regardless, discuss with your partner how you see each other spending time together and how comfortable you are setting aside time to pursue solo interests.
How Each of You Handles Stress
Stress is likely to arise at some point during a marriage, whether it’s from work, money, family, or the world at large. Knowing how each person handles stress and learning effective stress management techniques could help reduce conflict.
For example, you may need to spend time alone when stressed. Meanwhile, your partner may be the type of person who needs to vent. By understanding how each of you handles stress, you may be more prepared for tough times and equipped with stress management techniques that work for each of you.
Know These Before Popping the Question
It may be easy to rush into proposing when you know it’s time. However, discussing some key items with your partner before you plan the proposal is a good idea. Agreeing on values, beliefs, and marriage role expectations is a great start. Make sure you also know each other’s communication styles, stress management habits, and hobbies/interests.
Discussing these before proposing won’t just set you and your partner up for future success. It’ll also confirm that you’re ready to take the next big step in your life together.
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